she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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