Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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