Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
