My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
