yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
