Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
