I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
