So drunk, too bad you don't want this
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
