Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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