The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
