I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Randomize