shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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