Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
