yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
