are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Randomize
