the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
