cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
