maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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