When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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