Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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