remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
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