don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
