why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Randomize