so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
