whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
