fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
