Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
So apparently I’m into choking now
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