he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
The best revenge is premature balding
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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