the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
