I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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