When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
