I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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