At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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