dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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