I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
