stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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