if i can run in heels then i can drive
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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