There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize