please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
