somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
3 2 1 whiskey
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
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