So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
