Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
