then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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