is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Randomize
