I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
