Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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