im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
