I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
