Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Randomize
