Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
You work out of a Hotel?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
