she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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