I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
We just shotgunned beers for America
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize