The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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