She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
