Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
