"it" just moved
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
