My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize