I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
