how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
