Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Randomize
