i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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