remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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