I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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