this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
