I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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