Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
