One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
