we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize