He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I think people are normalizing furries
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize