is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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