there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
