dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Randomize
