it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
