pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Randomize
