You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
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