I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
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